How to Build Confidence and Stop Overthinking With NLP

Overthinking, wobbly confidence, and goals that quietly fizzle out feed off each other, which is why we’ve explored this below. A handful of simple Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) techniques could help with each, and most take less time than a coffee break.

Why overthinking and self-doubt tend to turn up together

When your mind doesn’t have a clear goal, it tends to invent problems to solve instead. It’s a bit like a GPS with no destination typed in, recalculating over and over without ever telling you where to turn. All those what-ifs chip away at your confidence, and the less confident you feel, the easier it is to put off the one thing that would actually settle the matter.

Plenty of people get stuck here. Research from the University of Michigan found that 73% of adults aged 25 to 35 described themselves as overthinkers, and 52% of people aged 45 to 55 did as well.

Self-doubt is just as common. When researchers combined 62 studies covering more than 14,000 people, they found impostor feelings ranged from 9 to 82%, depending on how they were measured. Those feelings appeared in men and women alike and were linked to lower job satisfaction, poorer performance at work, and burnout.

There’s some encouraging news on the goals front, though. A Swedish study followed 1,066 people for a year after they made New Year’s resolutions. Those whose goals focused on starting something new did noticeably better than those trying to stop or avoid something, with 59 per cent succeeding compared with 47 per cent. So the way you word a goal really does matter, and we’ll come back to that shortly.

Aussies are clearly looking for answers, too. Google’s trends team found searches for “how to be a better person” jumped 370% between early December 2025 and mid-January 2026.

This article will help you through overthinking, self-confidence, and some N?LP techniques such as anchoring that could help you level up your confidence,

Reflecting V overthinking… and how to help reduce it.

Thinking a problem through and overthinking it can feel the same from the inside, but they lead to very different places. Thinking it through or reflecting can help you move forward. Overthinking is the same few thoughts on repeat. A handy test is to ask whether the thought has given you anything you can actually do in the last ten minutes. If it hasn’t, you’re going in circles, and another lap won’t help.

Break the pattern

What Milton H. Erickson understood is that every habit of thought or behaviour runs like a script. Each step cues the next one. Take away the step a person expects, and the script stops; for a moment, they’re open to doing something different. A habit that’s been shaken up is far easier to redirect than one that’s running on rails.

You can use the same idea on your own overthinking. A worry loop has its own script, and it usually expects you to stay in the same spot, in the same posture, chewing over the same thought. So do something it isn’t expecting. Stand up, walk outside, put on a song you haven’t heard in years or ring a friend about something completely unrelated. For a moment the loop loses its place, and that’s your chance to choose a better next step.

Watch it from the back row

This one’s useful when you keep replaying something in your mind.

Try to imagine the scene playing on a screen on the other side of the room.
Watch yourself in it, as if you were watching someone else in a film.
Make the picture smaller, take the colour out of it and turn the sound right down.
Ask yourself what you’d say to a friend who’d been through that same moment.
Jot down the one thing worth learning from it, and let the rest go.

Most people notice the feeling eases once they watch the memory from the outside instead of reliving it.

How to build confidence when you don’t believe in yourself

We often talk about confidence as if you’re either born with it or you’re not. NLP sees it differently. Chances are you’ve felt confident at some point, whether you were cooking for a crowd, coaching the under-10s, or sorting out a problem at work that nobody else could crack. The idea is to borrow that feeling and take it where you need it.

Set up a confidence anchor

An anchor is simply a link between something physical and a feeling. You already have plenty you never chose, like the song that takes you straight back to a summer years ago.

The anchor technique can help you choose a memory when you felt capable and sure of yourself. It doesn’t need to be a big moment. You’ll learn how to connect to it and use it right before a moment that counts, like walking into an interview or unmuting on a Teams call. It gets stronger the more you use it, so the more you practice this technique, the more it can help you.

Reword the story you keep telling yourself

A reframe keeps the facts the same and changes what they mean to you. The catch is that it has to be true. If it’s only cheerful, you won’t believe it.

What you tell yourself	A reframe that’s still true
I’m too old to change careers.	I’m bringing 20 years of people skills to a field that needs exactly that.
I only got the job because they were desperate.	They had a choice, and they chose me. My job now is to learn fast.
I don’t know enough yet.	I know enough to start, and I know how to find out the rest.
If I ask a question, they’ll think I’m hopeless.	The people I respect most at work ask questions all the time.

If the voice in your head keeps saying “I’m not good enough”, IAP founder Gordon Young puts it this way:

“It’s not you… you’ve learned a pattern, and that pattern is all about unrealistically assessing yourself. In essence it is a pattern you have learned, and that means you can learn something else instead.”

You can hear Gordon explain more in this short video: How to help thinking “I’m not good enough” or low self-esteem.

Learn from someone who already does it well

NLP started out as a study of how highly skilled people get their results, an approach called modelling. Pick one person who handles your tricky situation well and watch how they stand, how quickly they speak and what they say first. Then try just one of those things in your next meeting.

If you want to learn how you can harness the power of NLP and make positive change in your life, the NLP Practitioner course is for you.

Pick one thing from this guide and have a go today.

If you’d like to keep reading, you might find these helpful too.

And if you’d like to dig a little deeper into how NLP works, you’re welcome to download our free NLP eBook or call our dedicated course advisors on 1300 915 497.

FAQs

What is NLP in simple terms?

Neuro-Linguistic Programming is a set of methods for noticing how you think, speak and behave, and for changing the patterns that aren't working for you. It was developed in the 1970s by studying how skilled communicators and therapists got such good results with people.

Can NLP help me stop overthinking?

It can help you break a loop and turn a vague worry into a specific question you can do something about. The Meta Model questions and the back row technique above are good places to start. If overthinking is affecting your sleep or your mood for weeks at a time, it's worth raising with your GP.

How long does it take to feel more confident?

Many people notice a shift the very first time they use an anchor or a reframe, but it fades without practice. Give it a few weeks of regular use. Habit research suggests a new behaviour takes about 66 days on average to become automatic, and that number varies a lot from person to person.

What's a well-formed outcome?

It's a goal that meets six conditions. It's stated in the positive, within your control, specific enough that you'll know when you've got it, set in a clear context, worth whatever it costs you, and paired with a first step you can take straight away.

Is a well-formed outcome the same as a SMART goal?

They have a lot in common. Both ask you to be specific and to set a time frame. A well formed outcome adds two things SMART goals usually leave out, which are wording the goal in the positive and checking what achieving it might cost you.

Is impostor syndrome a mental illness?

No, it isn't a recognised diagnosis. It describes a pattern of doubting your achievements and worrying that you'll be found out. Because it often sits alongside anxiety or low mood, it's a good idea to talk to a health professional if it's weighing on you.

Can I use these techniques on my own?

Yes. Everything in this guide is designed for you to use yourself. Working with a trained coach or practitioner can help if you keep hitting the same wall, or if you'd like someone to keep you accountable.

Sources

Bravata and colleagues (2020), systematic review of impostor syndrome, Journal of General Internal Medicine
EFTM (2026), reporting Google Trends data on Australian New Year searches
Lally and colleagues (2010), habit formation study, as summarised by the British Psychological Society Research Digest
Oscarsson and colleagues (2020), study of New Year’s resolutions, PLoS ONE
Passmore and Rowson (2019), critical review of NLP in coaching, International Coaching Psychology Review
Sturt and colleagues (2012), systematic review of NLP and health outcomes, British Journal of General Practice
University of Michigan News (2003), reporting research on overthinking