When Perfectionism isn’t perfect
There exist some persons that fancy everything being perfect in everything they do, and expect the same from those around them. Perfectionism is that urge to always do everything in a flawless manner, and in most cases, expect unattainable performance standards from themselves and those around.
Some psychologists view it as a personality trait, while others are of the opinion that it is a learned pattern. Like everything known to man, this has different levels that are based on the current situation, as well as the perspective and mood of the person. This pattern comes with both benefits and disadvantages. For one, a perfectionist tends to perform exceptionally in different aspects of their lives.
To a lot of persons, this is a strength. If perfectionism is misused or excessive, then it becomes a big issue. When an extreme perfectionist starts falling short of those unrealistic goals that he had set, the person starts to feel anxious and may feel a lower level of self-worth. Sometimes, it worsens to depression.
A non-perfectionist might be faced with failure, and he may take it as one of those things, but definitely not in the case of a perfectionist. When you try to outdo everyone in every aspect, you tend to become very tired and anxious.
There is a lot of pressure from all angles, as a perfectionist tends to compare himself or herself with those around. When this is done excessively, before you can say ‘Jack Robinson’, you are suffering from unfavourable situations. Your days are spent suffering from harsh self-criticism, over-generalizations, as well as labelling yourself negatively.
Those that have intense perfectionism are known to be highly anxious. Those that embrace perfectionism tend to face the following:
Trouble in Relationships
Dating a perfectionist or being married to one isn’t easy. They expect a lot from their romantic partners and most times, the partners can’t offer them such. Perfectionists have poor relationships, as they are always angry and disappointed in whomever they are dating, especially when the person falls short of their unattainable expectations.
Perfectionists tend to be exhausted and anxious. A perfectionist is one that spends her or his time in excess anxiety about what has to be done. Since he holds a perfect opinion of everything and when he sees that they fall short, he tries to make things right.
This leads to anxiety and when the perfectionist is anxious, he tends to work a lot harder as a means of response. Perfectionists feel a great sense of shame. A perfectionist doesn’t fancy disorganized things or any sight of a mess. They feel that when things look the way they want, the inside will be great. You can’t see a perfectionist in any form of mess.
This is him trying to move from the toxic shame that swells inside him. Perfectionists do not believe that they are special the way they are. Their source of value stems from the need to be involved in perfect achievement, production and service.
The main part that perfectionism comes from is the fact that the perfectionist feels that he is not only imperfect but highly flawed too. To them, they can’t be loved for whom they are, hence, they have to re-prove their value over and over again.
Perfectionism has its good parts, but it also has its bad aspects. This is why it is advisable that you try to balance them out. This is where therapy comes into the scenario. Hypnotherapy can truly help as it aids in changing a perfectionist’s need to be perfect always. Moderacy is the key.